I’m learning, daily, that relationships are difficult to maintain. Whether they are family, friend, romantic or work-based, they are difficult. Those people you think you can be honest with are the very people you have to walk on eggshells with, myself included. Maybe it’s because we give those we let get close the power to hurt us.
Little by little, I’m learning to keep my mouth shut and just go with the flow. Agree with everything, tell nothing. Seriously, listen and don’t speak. If you do you will probably be wrong, or will be perceived as critical or disrespectful, so if you want those you care about to not put you out in the cold you had better just keep your thoughts and comments to yourself.
Mind you, if you do you will then be accused of not caring and the distance that results will be your fault, even if you did nothing but shut up. And of course if you do say something you are feeling, or you observed, you will then be accused of disrespect. It’s called a win-win. Not for you, for them. They get to feel just anger and hurt and then they get to walk away without guilt or apology.
Yes, I’m learning. Learning to let no one get too close. Learning to accept that the only relationship you can sustain is really with yourself. Learning that the more you let people get close to you, the more you care, the more you believe that you can be just who you are, the more you are open to being set aside for someone who is wittier, smarter, prettier, younger, older, more powerful, more loving, more accepting, more giving, and more engaging. Learning there will always be someone out there who appears to be more appealing.
I’m ready to stop trying so hard and just accept that people move on to others. I’m ready to not be angry, or hurt, by choices others make, and I’m ready to accept their criticism and accusations without comment or dissent. I’m ready to pull back and let them think what they want without explanation.
There is one person in my life I know accepts me just the way I am. That could change, of course, but for now that’s good.