s h a m s p a c e

Don’t make someone a priority that only makes you an option.

I snagged that quote from another person because it truly resonates for me and I realize that I’ve been making some people a priority who have only made me optional.

I’ve accepted crumbs instead of meals and as a result allowed myself to be relegated to a backburner in their lives, while they focus on others who demand priority attention.  It’s as much a matter of respect as it is anything else. What it’s not is self-absorbing or conceit. I know that other people are as important as I am but when I become marginal then it’s time to distance myself from those people who don’t have time/interest in giving me at least as much as what I give to them.

If I’m not a priority for them then they forfeit the right to be a priority for me.  That’s not easy, in some cases, but my instinct tells me that it’s what I have to do now.

Being optional is not an option any more.

• hung some pictures (guess that means I live here now)
• vacuumed downstairs (it’s a start, dammit!)
• retrieved documents from Trenton – without getting lost!
• started some blog posts
• started an Access database to store all of those usernames/passwords
• updated my playlist (aren’t you happy?)
• started working on a writing project
• went to UD library and spent hours there just savoring the stacks!
• started organizing my computer!
• worked on portfolio pieces

It’s been an interesting few days. I actually got a lot accomplished.

In the midst of all the above, I had the distinct pleasure of an unexpected compliment during a normal conversation with my friend, Prip (pripper on Twitter). I made some sort of comment about wishing I was as good a writer as the person who wrote the Shattered lyrics and he replied:

oh, you can. i’ve seen some of your work…..

which made me feel really good. A lot of times I think everyone else in the universe is better at having something important to say than I could possibly come up with.

Maybe I read too much and write too little.

But it’s not easy coming up with topics I’m passionate about. And when I do have one I start thinking that I’m just repeating myself which would bore everyone to tears!

The writing project I’m working on is cool though.  Hell houses.  I never even knew they existed until I started researching. Fascinating. My concern right now is corralling my feelings about those who are indulging in this fear-based tactic. I’m trying hard to understand why they have chosen this vehicle to reach their audience. On one hand I do understand it.  On the other I’m furious about the potential backlash since the intended audience is so impressionable and there could be horrific ramifications if the message is convoluted.

I’m also working on a few pieces about knighthood (real), chivalry (real) and courtly love. Most of the works I’ve read over at Helium are pure tripe and cursory at best. Romanticizing something that wasn’t at all romantic makes me krazy. Doing it with poor writing makes me cringe.

My plans sure went awry somewhere along the line … but nothing says they have to stay that way.

As I said … I’m … d o i n g … things!

What have you all been up to lately?

Char